you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
