It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
as a side note pls kill me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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