Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
