I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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