I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
