she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
