how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
