Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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