help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
