We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my being single is dangerous.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
