id be glad to
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
