And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's paint friendship bongs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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