I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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