but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
