Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
