is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
