My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
