How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
