I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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