he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
