The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
