you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
