I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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