I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
