is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
