Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
