I wanna bring you to show and tell
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
