maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Someone came in the potted fern
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
