I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
