I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
