My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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