i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
