Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
