Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
