Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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