i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
