I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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