420 ftw
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
