How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Randomize
