this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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