i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
