did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
