sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They are going to name an STD after you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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