Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
