good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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