he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
