my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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