Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
