Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
