we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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