I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
