Ketchup is God's man juice
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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